You have been raised to believe that there is something wrong with you. I am here to tell you that there isn’t and never has been.
We all have been socialized to look for the flaws within ourselves, judge those flaws and punish ourselves until they change. Because that is the only way you will be good. And if you don’t do this, then you will be bad. As if.
What has happened to you is what has made you angry, afraid, guilty, irritated, ashamed, etc. It was never who you were and it is not who you are.
We have learned that judgment and punishment is the only way we can survive. It is how we learned to survive on this planet as a human being.
Believing there is something wrong with you that needs to be fixed before you will be loved is self-hate. Self-hate is the process of hating yourself. However, it is not “you” who is hating yourself. Self-hate is hating you! And it is not hating you for altruistic reasons. It simply hates you because that is what self-hate does.
A classic example of this is hating how your body looks. This is a form of self-hate. You will never reach self-hate’s standard of what your body “should” look like because that is not the point of self-hate. It only hates. As long as self-hate exists, there will only ever be hate. As long as you hate the way your body looks in the moment, you will only ever hate your body, no matter how much you change your body to meet that standard.
There is nothing you need to change or do to fix yourself. Because there is nothing wrong with you.
Never believe any thought that says there is something wrong with you. It is not true. Self-hate has convinced you that if it didn’t exist, you would be an awful person. It is not true. We have become convinced that punishment, blame, judgment and rejection are all for our benefit and if you didn’t practice these techniques, you would be a terrible person. We must find the courage to stop abusing ourselves long enough to find out that we are all good.
So how do you transcend this? How do you stop the process of self-hate? We meditate.
Mediation is sitting with whatever comes up within ourselves and not reacting to it. We learn to sit with whatever is happening. Even if self-hate brings up your most hated parts of yourself, just sit with it. Don’t punish, judge, fret or react to it. Just sit there. Practice releasing the conditioned response to a sensation. If you want to learn to love yourself, learn to love yourself just the way you are. Accept yourself just the way you are and you will always be loved and loving.
**This blog post was inspired by There Is Nothing Wrong With You by Cheri Huber
***Picture from @theauburnagenda